My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
