if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
