im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
