I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
