you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
