i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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