i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
