Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
