scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
