So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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