HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
