I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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