Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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