If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
