i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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