It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
