Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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