I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
