Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
