did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
