I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
