Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
