hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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