we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
