I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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