people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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