Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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