I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
