You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
