I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
