I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
