yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
