i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
