I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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