We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
