I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
