Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
