she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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