i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
