Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
