Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
