one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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