he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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