its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
