Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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