Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere