i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana