did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.