can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.