Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
