Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
