the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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