just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
