Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
