i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
