yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it wasn't lemon gatorade
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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