she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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