My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?