I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD