Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day