Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Im part way to drunk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.