I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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