It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
