I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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