the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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