Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Randomize
