I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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