She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize