omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
