New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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