Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
