saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
