my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
