why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
