Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
