You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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